influenza or to the native custom of partaking heavily of snakepie on the eve of Lent.

***

Nottingham will hold its six hundred and fifty-eighth annual Goose Fair this year, and a local paper has made a distinct hit by stating that it is "the oldest gathering of its kind except the House of Commons."

***

President EBERT, according to the _Frankfort Gazette_, is to have a Chief Master of Ceremonies. One of his first duties, in which he will have the advice of prominent musicians, will be to fix an authorised style of eating _Sauerkraut_ which shall be impressive yet devoid of ostentation.

* * * * *

[Illustration: [Taxi-drivers who consent to pick up fares at a certain London restaurant at night have supper given to them by the management.]

_First Taxi_. "WHATEVER 'AVE YER GOT THEM TOGS ON FOR, ALBERT?"

_Second ditto_. "ALWAYS DRESS FOR SUPPER DOWN TOWN NOWADAYS, OLD BEAN."]

* * * * *

"A woman's sphere was her own home, that she should earn her own living was inimical to domestic happiness; it was almost contra bonus morus, which is a very serious thing indeed."--_Scots Paper_.

It certainly would be for Smith mi. if he said it in class.

* * * * *

"The speaker of the evening was Dr. Charles ----, a full-blooded Sioux Indian, and the only full-blooded literary man among the North American Indians."--_American Paper_.

We could spare some of our full-blooded, literary men if there is a shortage in America.

* * * * *

MONUMENTS OF THE WAR.

Let those who fear lest Memory should mislay Our triumphs gathered all across the map; Lest other topics--like the weather, say, Or jazzing--should supplant the recent scrap; Or lest a future race whose careless lot Lies in a League of Nations, lapped amid Millennial balm, be unaware of what (Largely for their sakes) we endured and did;--

Let such invite our architects to plan Great monumental works in steel and stone, Certain to catch the eye of any man And make our victories generally known; Let a new bridge at Charing Cross be built, In Regent Street a deathless quadrant set, And on them be inscribed in dazzling gilt:-- "IN CASE BY INADVERTENCE WE FORGET."

Or, eloquent in ruin unrestored, Leave the Cloth Hall to be the pilgrim's quest, Baring her ravaged beauty to record The Culture of the Bosch when at his best; At Albert, even where it bit the ground, Low let the Image lie and tell its fate, Poignant memento, like our own renowned ALBERT Memorial (close to Prince's Gate).

For me, the tablets of my heart, I ween, Sufficiently recall these fateful years; I need no monument for keeping green All that I suffered in the Volunteers; Therefore I urge the Army Council, at Its earliest leisure, please--next week would do-- To raze the hutments opposite my flat, That still impinge on my riparian view.

O.S.

* * * * *

A PAIR OF MILITARY GLOVES.

It was in Italy, on my way home from Egypt to be demobilised, that I decided to buy a pair of warm gloves from Ordnance.

After being directed by helpful other ranks to the A.S.C. Depot, the Camp Commandant's Office and the Y.M.C.A., I found myself, at the end of a morning's strenuous walking, confronted by notices on a closed door stating that this was the Officers' Payment Issue Department; that this was the Officers' Entrance to the Officers' Payment Issue Department; that smoking was strictly prohibited; and that the office would re-open at 14.00.

I went away to lunch.

At 14.01 I knocked out my pipe conscientiously and entered. From 14.01 to 14.50 I watched a Captain of the R.A.F. smoking cigarettes