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PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 156.
June 25, 1919.
CHARIVARIA.
A man has written to the papers offering to buy five thousand pounds of
Joy Loan if the Government will get him a case of whisky. The simple
fellow does not seem to realise that if the Government had anything as
valuable as a case of whisky it would not have to raise a loan.
***
The successful trans-Atlantic flight and the large number of
public-houses in Galway threaten to make prohibition in U.S.A. nothing
less than a farce.
***
Smoking, says a Church paper, is on the increase among boys. Boys will
be girls these days.
***
Smoking and bad language seem to go together, says Professor GILBERT
MURRAY. In the case of some cheap cigars we have often seen them going
together.
***
A bazaar has been held in Dublin for the purpose of securing a fresh
stock of wild animals for the Zoological Gardens. It is not believed,
however, that the popularity of Sinn Fein can be seriously challenged.
***
"Serbia," says an Italian news agency, "is purchasing large quantities
of war material and aeroplanes." It is feared, however, that these
elaborate Peace preparations may yet turn out to be premature.
***
Two German machine guns, it is stated, have been placed in a provincial
library. Even this, it is thought, will not prevent Mr. H.G. WELLS from
doing what he conceives to be his duty.
***
Labour unrest is reported from Spitzbergen. There is also a rumour that
the Greenlanders are demanding the nationalization of blubber and a
180-day year.
***
There is said to be some talk at Washington of the House of
Representatives inviting President WILSON to visit America shortly.
***
A Chicago Girls' Club has decided that its members shall have nothing to
do with young men. It is certainly getting to be an effeminate habit.
***
_The Daily Mail_ has presented a golden slipper for the actress with the
smallest feet. The slipper, we understand, is quite new and has never
been used on anybody.
***
An American gentleman is about to offer for sale his corkscrew, or would
exchange for something useful.
***
A very mean theft is reported from West Ealing. Not content with
stealing the loose silver a burglar is reported to have stolen the
muzzle from off the watch-dog.
***
The New Cross Fire Brigade have been awarded a Challenge Cup for the
quickest work. This brigade is now open to book a few orders for fires
during August, when they have several open dates.
***
We understand that a couple of young cheeses were kidnapped from a
Crouch Hill warehouse last week.
***
It is a surprising fact, says a contemporary, that when LENIN was born
his parents were practically penniless. The greater mystery is that his
parents decided to keep him.
***
A statistical expert has estimated that if all the questions asked by
Mr. SMILLIE at the Coal Commission's sittings were placed one before the
other they would lead to nowhere.
***
Over one hundred posters illustrating the danger of house-flies have
been exhibited in the Enfield district. It is doubtful whether this will
have the desired effect, for it is well known that flies cannot read.
***
The price of a first-class interment, says a contemporary, has risen
from L3 18s 0d. to L5 15s. 0d. The result is that many people
have decided to try to do without one this year.
***
The arrival in England of a rare mosquito is reported by the
South-Eastern Union of Scientific Societies. It seems that the insect
had worked its passage to the British Museum. We think that a sharper
look-out should be kept on mosquitoes arriving at our ports.
***
A painful episode is reported from Yarmouth. It appears that a visitor,
desirous of taking home a souvenir of his holiday, thoughtlessly filled
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