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Takeshi's Castle (風雲!たけし城 Fūun! Takeshi Jō) was a Japanese reality/game show that aired from 1986 to 1989. It featured the Japanese actor, Takeshi Kitano (a/k/a "Beat" Takeshi) as Count Takeshi. The show has become cult television in Japan, and aired on the Tokyo Broadcasting System in Japan.
In the United States, it airs as MXC (formerly Most Extreme Elimination Challenge) on Spike TV, providing both dubbing and commentary in English that effectively spoofs the original show. In England, a shortened version given a comedic voiceover by Craig Charles has been shown on cable TV channel Challenge since 2002. Fans of the show are known as "Keshi-heads". In other countries where the show has been seen, Germany had a dubbed version (DSF), and Spain aired the program as Humor Amarillo (Yellow Comedy) in the early 1990's.
Original Takeshi's Castle Series
The original show involved between 100 and 150 contestants who General Tani (known as General Lee in the English version, and Captain Tenneal in the US) effectively tested and challenged, eliminating some and keeping others. Each show finished with the Final Showdown/Final Battle where Count Takeshi was faced by the remaining contestants. If they hit the paper ring on his cart with their water gun (or in later versions, the laser hitting a sensor that deactivated his cart), the castle was taken and the game "won".
Challenges
A wide range of challenges were used throughout the show's history, some occurring only once or twice, or others in virtually every show, depending upon their popularity and ease of preparation. Many challenges involve falling into water on failure.
The below list contains the names of Games in the UK version of the show, and are followed up by their MXC names.
- Avalanche: Players race up a narrow gulley, avoiding being crushed by polystyrene boulders. Contestants try and hide in cubbyholes in the gulley's side, but they contain members of Takeshi's Gundan who attempt to push them out into the boulder's path. Called Boulder Dash on MXC.
- Ball Cupping:
- Big Bird:
- Bite The Bun:
- Blueberry Hill: Contestants wear large, top-heavy costumes to resemble blueberries (In the original version they resembled darumas), and must make their way up a ramp, only moving when Yousichi Shimada has his gaze averted - they are eliminated if he catches a contestant moving, or if they fall over. Known as Mine Games on MXC.
- Boulder Dash: Known as The Imapassable Stones of Mount McKidney on MXC.
- Brat Sack:
- Bridge Ball: Crossing a rope bridge, holding a gold-coloured volleyball, whilst henchmen fire black volleyballs at the contestant, who is eliminated if they fall off. Frequently contestants are hit in the face, genitals, etc. and hold on to the bridge with one hand for several seconds before having to let go. This game is called Brass Balls on MXC.
- Bridge The Gap:
- Buggy Me:
- Catch It:
- Cheeze-Berry Hill:
- Corn Cob Trip:
- Deep Float:
- Die or Pie:
- Dino Ride:
- Dominoes:
- The Dragon Lake:
- Drop In The Ocean:
- End Bell:
- Extinction:
- Final Fall: There are five holes and down two of them hide Katsuo Tokashiki and Makoto Dainenji. First things first, the contestants have to get past Yoroi Chuu, who whacks contestants on the head with his fists if they get in his way. Next of all the contestants have to jump down the hole and if they're right, they get to go through to the Show Down but if they go down the wrong holes where the guards are hiding, then they go out.
- Fish Food:
- Flag Down:
- Foot Loose:
- The Fortress:
- The Gauntlet:
- Giant Maze:
- Go Nuts (V1): Contestants dress up as a gaint nut and stay on a platform with twisty curves while hopping as their legs are tied together. Called Bust A Nut on MXC.
- Go Nuts (V2): Players dress in padding and climb a hill while guards roll large styrofoam nuts in this varation of "Avalanche". MXC calls this game (Salty) Nut Sackers
- The Great Wall:
- Grid Iron:
- Home Run:
- Honey Comb Maze: Contestants make their way through a blind maze made of hexagonal rooms, whilst chased by henchmen. They must make it to the correct exit without being caught (other exits are pits of water which the henchmen push them into).
- High Rollers: Similar to log rolling, a series of large drums which contestants must run over without falling off. Very few appear to pass this challenge, and failure often looks painful with sudden impacts of the skull against the drums. The MXC name for this game is Log Drop.
- Indestructible:
- In The Sack:
- Jetskid:
- Karaoke: Called Elimination Idol in the States.
- Knock Knock (V1):
- Knock Knock (V2):
- Leap Frog:
- Line Up:
- Match Maker:
- Mud Ball:
- Muddy Waters:
- Mudskippers:
- Mud Slide:
- Mushroom Trip: Players ride a giant fungus across a moat, and try to reach a platform at the other end. Known as Eat Shitake on MXC.
- Nautiball:
- Oh Deer:
- Oh Ma Ha Beach:
- On Yer Bike:
- Pipe Down:
- Poles Apart:
- Prod:
- Puck Over:
- Quake:
- Rat Race:
- Rice Bowl Down Hill: Conestents had to sit in a bowl while being pushed down a hill into an area with water. Those who stayed in the bowl moved on. Called Irritable Bowl Syndrome on MXC.
- Ride The Wave:
- Ro-Jim-Bo:
- Roller Derby:
- Roll Out The Barrel:
- Roll The Dice:
- Rope: Earlier version of Bridge Ball. The rules are exactly the same except a rope is used instead of a bridge, making it harder for the contestants.
- Roulette:
- The Run Way (V1):
- The Run Way (V2):
- Sand Flee:
- Sandscript:
- Show of Hands:
- Single Roller:
- Skittles: Originally called Star Bowling, this game had players picking large playing cards designating their pin position (Ace was one, and so on). A giant bowling ball was then rolled. Those who did not stand after the roll were eliminated. Called Pin Me! on MXC.
- Skipping Stones: A deceptively simple challenge involving stepping stones, some of which are deliberately not secured and give way under foot. Again, contestants must make their way to the other side without falling off. On MXC, this game is called Sinkers and Floaters.
- Sling Swing Fling:
- Slipped Disks:
- Slippery Wall:
- Slip Way:
- Snow Lane:
- Square Maze: Earlier version of the Honey Comb Maze. The rules stayed the same, the only variation in the game was that the rooms were square instead of hexagonal.
- Stock Pot Racing:
- Stuff Diving:
- Sumo Rings: Called Circle Jerkers in the States.
- Toboggoff:
- Tug of War:
- Turtle Hurtle:
- Turtle Soup:
- Uphill Garden:
- Up The Creek:
- Velcro Fly:
- Walk The Plank:
- Wet Paint:
- Whack The Stack:
- Wipe Out: Another simple-looking challenge: contestants stand on a surfboard which swings round in a circle. and must jump over obstacles in their path. This game on MXC is called The Rotating Surfboard of Death.
- Yellow Brick Road:
And of course...
- Show Down: The final challenge of the show, where the remaining contestants, and Takeshi's guards, each ride a motorized buggy with paper circles on them - they must shoot at water at the circle; breaking the circle eliminates them. Usually with a handful of challengers left by this stage, Takeshi usually wins. Later series used laser guns similar to Laser Quest. This game is not seen on MXC.
- Ultimate Showdown:
In addition, there have also been special competitions such as the couples challenge, the children's competition and the international challenge (featuring all countries except Japan).
Characters
- Count Takeshi (Takeshi Kitano) - The owner of the castle and eventual target of the competition. He makes commentary on the contestants.
- Saburo Ishikura - First advisor (or councillor) of Takeshi. Discusses the competition with Takeshi and provides comedy skits as well.
- Sonomanma Higashi - Discusses the competition with Takeshi, and also provides comedy skits as well.
- Takeshi's Gundan/Defence Troops - The Count's guards that wear white or Emerald, seen in "Final Showdown" and other challenges, also known as "The Emerald Guards". They are usually seen in the backround of Takeshi-san and his advisor during the show.
- General Tani - Hayato Tani - Leads the contestants through the challenges set by Count Takeshi. His real-life wife, Kikko Matsuoka, appeared in an episode and slapped her real-life husband silly. On international specials (involving non-Japanese players), he was assisted by a lady named Corporal Kirsty, who served as a translator.
- Junji Inagwawa and Shingo Yanagisawa - Two of the Battlefield Reporters, they wore safari zone outfits. (NOTE: Neither Junji or Shingo appear in the UK version of the series.)
- Kibaji Tankobo and Strong Kobayashi - A pair of guards who would probably scare you off just by looking at them, which they normally do to contestants in the Honeycomb Maze and other games. Kibaji wears a long red wig, while Strong is bald, and they paint their faces to further imtimidate their opposition. Both Tankobo-san and Kobayshi-san are considered to be two of the finest henchmen Takeshi-san have.
- Brad Lesley, a/k/a "The Animal" - Famous Japanese/American baseball player nicknamed "The Animal" who appeared in later episodes. His main job was to humiliate and frighten the contestants in any possible way, usually dressed as a samurai complete with a sword. Animal-san has also been seen in a green sumo suit, spider costume, Fred Flintstone-style outfit, a baseball uniform and an Las Vegas-era Elvis Presley jumpsuit costume.
- Michiru Jo - One of the only guards to have been involved from the very first episode, he normally wore a pink outfit. Jo was a famous Japanese pop (J-Pop) singer in the 1970's.
- Yoroi Chuu - Known as the "Boxing Monster", he stood almost sixteen feet tall and tried to keep players from reaching the goals in several games. On MXC, his name is Skanky.
- Makoto Dainenji and Katsuo Tokashiki - Makoto, a karate master and Katuso, a boxing champion in Japan, are the Final Fall guards. They are called "The Pink Panzers" for their pink-toned outfits that they usually wear.
- Masanori Okada - Usually seen in the game Slip Way, he would jump out of the water to push the contestants into the drink if they failed to reach the target. Okada-san also has played in the Honeycomb Maze and other games as well.
- Umanosuke Ueda, a/k/a "Blondie" - This aggressive guard, a former wrestler in real life, has been seen in Honeycomb Maze, Square Maze, Sumo Rings, Grid Iron and Bridge Ball.
- Large Fuji - Replaced Shinoburyo in the later episodes as the purple sumo fighter in Sumo Rings.
- Yousichi Shimada - A guard that is usually seen in the games Blueberry Hill in overalls akin to "Dennis The Menace" and in 'Wipe Out, dressed up as a female Native American (Indian) nicknamed "Pocahontas", pushing people into the water if they missed the surfboard.
- Shoji Kinoshita & Shoichi Kinoshita - Better known as "Popcorn", these well-known identical twin actors in Japan are commonly seen wearing rainbow ponchos and bowler hats. They have also worn baseball uniforms and other humorous costumes, appearing in the game Rice Bowl Down Hill where they try and put the contestants off by singing an very annoying chant, as well as Bridge Ball and other games.
- "Ordinary" Oki Bondo, Takayuki Yokomizo, Nobuo Yana and Koji Sekiyama - They participate in the Karaoke game. Oki acts as the emcee, Takayuki is the bouncer who ejects contestants who do not sing well, Koji is the owner of the karaoke bar and was later filled in by Nobuo who appeared in the later episodes of the show.
- Shinoburyo - Sumo wrestler in Japan who appeared in the game Sumo Rings during the series.
- Noboru "Shin" Sugimura - Loyal member of Takeshi's Gundan who is a pathetic sumo wrestler in Sumo Rings.
- Rituko Nakayama - Also known as Refreshing Rituko-Rituko, she is a professional bowler in Japan who has appeared in the Star Bowling game.
- Yutaka Enatsu - This Japanese baseball player was the pie thrower in Die or Pie in a single episode.
Challenge (UK version)
This condensed version of the original series airs almost constantly on Challenge, mostly in six episode blocks, with an average of 130,000 viewers an episode.
Craig's Quotes
- "Our man with the tan, the ladies' favourite, General Lee, psyches up his one hundred kamikaze cousins..."
- "What a wazzock!"
- "He's a Happy Clappy Jappy Chappy."
- "New ribs/teeth/spine/balls/etc., please!"
- "Protect your love spuds/gunnels/Ted Evans/happy sacks/etc.!"
- "No winners this time on Takeshi's Castle!"
- "Don't let the guards penetrate the ring on your shiny red helmet!"
- "Specially shipped in from a pig farm in southern Japan."
- "Answers on a postcard, please!" (usually said after a nonsensical question.)
- "As my old dad used to say..."
- "Ouch! Someone call the air ambulance."
- "Back to the happy farm/matron/rubber room with the warm biscuits/lemon curd sandwiches/lovely little white jacket that ties behind."
- "Shut up, commentator!" (usually said when he makes assumptions on a contestant's performance, but they prove him wrong.)
- "The elite troops: Highly trained, highly accurate, (highly cold, highly sprung, etc.) Haile Selassie." (He often also says of his half-brother, "Slightly Selassie" from time to time.)
- "I never thought I'd say this/that on the television..."
- "I'm innumerate, me. I can spell that, I just can't tell you how many letters are in it..."
- "If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do they all have to?"
- "I've walked on water before. I just made sure that the temperature was well below freezing before I ventured out onto the pond..."
- I once did a gig for Save the Whales, did alright. Then I got mugged, and not one of them turned up to help!" (Usually said during the game "Ride The Wave".)
MXC (Most Extreme Elimination Challenge)
On April 13, 2003, Spike TV (then called The National Network or "The New TNN") began airing a comedy-oriented dub of the series, called "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge" (or MXC for short).
In MXC, two teams are pitted against each other (such as Inventors vs. Ex-Child Actors) in games with names like "Sinkers & Floaters," "Rotating Surfboard of Death," "Bird Droppings" and "Wall Bangers" just to name a few. "Vic Romano" and "Kenny Blankenship" provide commentary throughout. Rather than showing the "Final Showdown" at the end of each show, Kenny counts down the ten most "Painful Eliminations of the Day."
Many of the contestants and games have been renamed by the show's staff after famous celebrities and/or have made-up names with some sort of sexual innuendo. Therefore, it is not uncommon to see participants with names of famous athletes or Hollywood stars (e.g. "Hugh Grunt") competing on the United States version. As well, nearly every episode features one contestant with the family name "Babaganoosh." Contestants of that name are said to have some sort of connection with the Middle East, but in reality is a favorite meal of one of the producers of MXC.
On April 22, 2004, Spike TV aired a special edition of the show to start the second season, featuring skateboarder Tony Hawk and snowboarder Tara Dakides. The special was taped at Nickelodeon Studios at the Universal Orlando Resort in Orlando, Florida using students from nearby colleges, and appropriately dubbed "MXC Almost Live". The special edition is not based on the original Takeshi's Castle footage, but only has some added in for Vic, Ken, the Captain and Guy LeDouche. Actors were hired to play those who would replace the roles of the latter two, named "Gimp LeDouche" (Eric Esteban) and "Major Babe" (Michelle Sorrell). With the second season, Spike TV officially changed the name of the US version to MXC.
The staff gives no regard to what really happens in the original footage, and instead resort to non-sequiturs, crude humor, and the previously noted sexual innuendo. This is done to facilitate the tastes of the intended audience as well as for the creative fun of it.
Characters
Many of the characters and contestants on MXC are voiced by the producers of the show, who also serve as the series' writers.
Of the principals involved, "Vic Romano", whose lines replace those of Takeshi, is played by Victor Wilson, who also serves as the supervising producer. "Kenny Blankenship", MXC's counterpart of Takeshi's second advisor Higashi, is voiced by Christopher Darga. While Romano is a level-headed play-by-play voice, Blankenship, his color commentator, is somewhat stupid. John Cervenka portrays three characters: "Captain Tenneal" (whose name comes from the 1970's musical act The Captain and Tennille), whose views are conservative and self-absorbed, replaces General Tani/General Lee; field reporter "Guy LeDouche", who substitutes for Shingo Yanagisawa, and is portrayed as a Frenchman who has some rather bizzare fetishes, and "Your Humble Announcer" (since the show's fifth episode) for the program's opening and breaks to and from commercials. All of the female voices ("Everygirl" according to the credits) are done by Mary Scheer.
Quotes
(NOTE: All are said by "Vic Romano" unless otherwise noted.)
- "That calls for an 'MXC Impact Replay!'" (Usually said after a spectacular crash and burn by a contestant that looks very painful.)
- "Captain Tenneal" (after asking a question and getting a show of hands from the teams): "Well, you're wrong!"
- "And the cons have resorted to livestock!"
- "He's spontaneously donated his pancreas!"
- Contestant: "I like the feel of cement in my pants, it's, uh... squishy."
- "Kenny Blankenship": "If I were to hug you right now, would that be gay?"
- Skippy Cunningham, who for twenty-five years played the lovable ten-year-old Postie Malph on "Enjoyable Times" during "Inventors vs. Child Actors": "Nose nuggets!"
- At the end of a show pitting Circus people against the Travel industry: "You know, I've really enjoyed those silly freaks and clowns, but I've also enjoyed the circus people as well."
- Contestant: "CORN DOGS!"
- Kenny: "And this one I call 'Road Kill.'" (On-screen caption: "Don't be even stupider and try this at home, either.") "This was a great elimination game, until some idiot put a ramp there. We tried it again without the ramp, but we can't show that footage until the case is settled." Vic: "Was that my car?" Kenny: "Uh, let's go to Guy!"
- "Josh showing some great vocal versatility, singing above the key and below it at the same time."
- "I miss Mister Sparkly the unicorn."
- "That's Dick Zibra who works for 'Spunt TV', the second network for men."
- "He's majoring in testicular studies at Ball State."
- Kenny: "He shoots lasers out of his third nard."
- "Here's Churchy Winston. He is a Pace Car driver for the Royal family Paparazzi motorcade"
- "And here's Bruce Fossy. He's the president of the Chorus Union Local 5-6-7-8..."
- "Right you are, Ken!"
- "Indeed!"
- A large female contestant in "Amusement Parks vs. The World's Oldest Profession" named Kitty Litter: "C'mon baby, supersize it!"
- Captain: "Boy this is gonna be a great game, I can feel it in my bone. (To himself:) I'm a dirty man. (To teams:) Umm, Let's Go!"
- A contestant in the "MXC Almost Live" special: "No matter what I'm saying, they're going to overdub my voice!" Vic and Kenny: "Hunh? What'd he say?" (Note: This is an inside joke about the show's dubbing.)
- "Guy LeDouche": "Oh-ho-ho-ho, Guy like!"
- A character named "Mister Spanky" (who had a hand on his head and his face where the palm should be): "Hi there. Now remember, boys and girls, when your mommy leaves the room, go inside her purse, take out all the money, and send it all to me!" (NOTE: This was a thinly-veiled reference to an imfamous incident on New Years' Day of 1965 by Soupy Sales in New York City.)
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