Tristan's Ninth (or Tristan Martin's Ninth) is small quote rumoured to be used by men arguing over religion in certain Australian bars. It has been used to argue that Christianity is false, or that human suffering does not truly matter. Some light hearted philosophical works have referred to it, and it is occasionally mentioned as a whimsical example of Australian bar culture.

"God created our minds, bodies, and souls. God created everything they interact with. Therefore we cannot be more than machines following out the punch cards of our creator. Our actions which he programmed determine whether we go to hell or heaven."

alternatively

"The all knowing, all powerful God, created our minds, bodies, souls and everything we are capable of interacting with. Therefore he has predetermined all our actions and perhaps our punishment."